Don’t you find it interesting that when faced with a conglomerate of information, only parts stick out to you and you often dwell on those parts? You see it in so many things in life between politics to TV dramas. I am no different, especially when learning of divorces and marriage this past week. I have already dwelt on divorce, so how about I tackle another thought?
Have you ever been thrown headfirst into the dreaded “friend zone”? I have. This guy I had a serious crush on left me there feeling absolutely useless. Fast forward 8 years and He is now sitting on my couch watching Justice League while I type and sip my coconut milk. I am still in that “friend zone” but in the best of ways. I would consider him my best friend and confidant and I think he would too except in the moments that I ask him to go across the house to get my glasses because I am too lazy. I am blessed to call him my husband.
I don’t think we are the only couple to consider each other best friends though. One of my dearest friends and her husband are a great example. For the sake of privacy, I will refer to them as Leslie and Joe. They have been married for 14 years. When they first met, she hated Joe. She thought he was a cocky jerk and only went on one date out of pity. That one date turned into several more. They got engaged and he got stationed in Germany. From across the sea, they planned and prepped for the big day. Then a slip up happened. Joe, in a poor mental state and being a hormonal person made the mistake of cheating on Leslie. What happened next shaped the rest of their life together.
LESLIE FORGAVE JOE.
It was a long and hard road, but they fixed it. It wasn’t just an, “I’m sorry,” and “great, thanks.” It was a year of talking, working, reaching out, digging deep within, and truly turning of both their hearts.
In his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” Gottman (2015) speaks of this as a “repair attempt” (p. 27) This is the basis of creating a great marriage with flaws. It isn’t just apologizing but working hard each day to make things better. It is about striving to prove your willingness to change. It is also striving to forgive.
My husband holds grudges like it is nothing. I forgive too easily. I think we balance each other out. There have been moments I have had to forgive him for serious things and he me. We have done things like giving gifts, giving time, giving foot rubs, or even sitting through a movie or show we sincerely dislike for the joy of the other.
Being friends means sacrificing the need to fight and control everything and allow your heart to submit and understand. Strive to reach the comfort and accessibility of the “friend zone” and don’t always expect perfection.
To Eternity and Beyond 